I’m slowing down.

I’m slowing down… Lately my heart has been fluttering a lot! I had a Dr’s appointment for Thursday and figured I would talk to him about it when I saw him. I also did some study on menopause and learned that heart flutters are very common. So I just dealt with it the past month.

Last year about this time I went to the Dr. because of panic attacks (Which I’m still fighting) Again I heard that they are very common with menopause. NOBODY told me all this was part of getting older………….AHHHHH! I thought night sweats and hot flashes which I rarely have. NO, I get the symptoms nobody mentions and in the process I figure “I’m dieing”! Bites not having a mom.

Last year my blood pressure was sky high and I was put on meds. Been fine until this past month. The Dr. said Thursday my blood pressure was fine and then he looked at me and asked, “Whats stressing you out”! I sat speechless for a few seconds and thought, a do you have a week for me to explain it all. After I could collect myself from the direct question I said “I work with homeless men and women.”  He looked at me as if he understood the rest of the story without me saying anything. He’s a Christian Dr. and works alot with less fortunate people.

I explained that I was working on cutting out the needless stress. I have to. I realized that yes, God called me to this work but I “Must” stay balanced somehow and I’ve prayed for the Lord to show me how. It’s been one hell of a year. No pun intended. Finances are a big struggle. The men can wear me slap out at times. Listening to needless problems are first on my list to go. Emotionally I get too involved.

I talk about my job in the morning, at lunch, at dinner, before I go to bed…. I told Missy the other day that I have to find time for “me”! Then you add a congregation of people other then the homeless and be a Pastor to them as well. And still take care of a 16 year old. (That by the way did my laundry for me today before he went to work… I didn’t even ask him to) I have a home to take care of, a husband. It is wearing on me and physically it’s telling on me.

SO…. My goal is to relaxe. This morning I stayed in bed on purpose until 7:30. That’s a start for me. I’m going to take longer baths and enjoy my evenings a little more. I’m a workaholic and never knew it. I never watch TV anymore. I catch maybe 30 min. before I go to sleep. I race from the time my feet hit the ground until I lay back down. That is not good.

Pray for me to continue to find the balance. Thank you Lora and Missy for catching the phone calls and letting me have peace at night. You both are the greatest friends. Your love is out of this world. If I had to deal with all those calls on top of everything else…. another AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! And thank you both for helping me control the door and making sure nobody gets in my office door. I sometimes feel secure knowing you’re deflecting needless conversation for me.

The rest is up to me… Pray for the Lord to send us more help like my girls………… The Dr upped my meds and it’s rough readjusting to them. My goal is to get it together by next year. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!


2 Responses to “I’m slowing down.”

  1. I’m glad you know what the problems are and can deal with them. Relaxing is the beginning-everything else will fall in place. Don’t drink coffee or anything with caffeine…that will help your heart a lot, I think. Chocolate is bad too. I know people who get insomnia just from eating chocolate after dinner! Maybe another short trip north will “get you away” and have fun away from your job…something to think about…NC maybe?? And good for Josh!! What a big help that must be!! HUGS!

  2. Stress takes its toll on all of us. With the people you have there maybe you could take turns handling the “problems” of the people. Like maybe Missy is “on duty ” on monday morning or Laura is monday afternoon.
    Let them know that there is time for “emergencies” but for just “bitch time” that will be limited as you all have a job to do and since they don’t or choose not to have a job then they should respect you and your staff’s needs to keep the church running so that they have a refuge there.
    The door is always open if you want to take a long weekend or a few days. Just let me know when!!! Its cold here tho as well!!!

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