Sue is dieing! 3/2/10

Honestly I kicked the thought around for a while on if I should post a story of what it has been like watching Sue die.

Yesterday we went to see her at a Hospice type hospital. We had to wait about 20 minutes for the staff to clean her up and as we were waiting several of the other staff found out who Missy and I were and before we knew it they were begging us for help.

Sue is “street”! It is all she has known now for I guess maybe 20 years or more. We have known her the last 4. She is tough, she is plain-spoken and at the moment she is completely incoherent due to the ammonia her liver is releasing into her body. Therefore taking care of her has been a handful for the fine staff where she is now.

She needs to be in a Nursing Home they told us. She needs continuous care which they are not set up to do. We aren’t blood related therefore our hands are tied to help them.

Because she is so “street” Sue is very difficult to reason with in a normal situation. Add confusion and a body slowly dieing she has become extremely difficult.

The head nurse explained to us while we waited to visit her that they placed her mattresses on the floor for her own safety. She won’t stay in bed and she can no longer walk. Therefore she falls. She wears a diaper because of the constant diarrhea she has from the LIST of things shutting down in her body.

When we were permitted to go into her room my heart broke. Big strong tough Jaye never let on to the head nurse that followed us into the room that I wanted to cuss, I wanted to yell, I wanted to cry. NOT at them or even Sue but because sometimes I get so tired of seeing things  detrimental to “normal” situations that keep robbing my mind of pretty nice thoughts.

NO! We walk in to see Sue crawling around on a floor like an animal. Her diaper half off and diarrhea is smeared on the sheet and floor. She looks up at the noise we made as we came in the room through blurred vision unable to fully understand that we, her friends, came to visit and comfort her through her final days.

Instead I begin to do what I do on the streets with one of our friends lost in an oblivious world of drunkenness however Sue’s intoxicated actions were due to the poison her body is producing in her from years of drinking…”mouthwash.”

Again the poor staff had to come to her aid and clean her up. Finally, Sue fell asleep!

Do we honestly have any problems people? I mean honestly do we really think our lives are that bad?

If you can still say yes, I wish you could spend about 6 months with me and my staff on the streets. The pure crap I see often is enough to make you want to run and hide in a corner begging God to take you away. The pain and deterioration of beautiful lives ruined because of choices.

Do they deserve it? Can I be plain and make any religious person blush, “Hell NO they don’t deserve it!” Yet it is a fact we do reap what we sow. My God have MERCY on us all and My God give me and my staff the strength to keep reaching out to what others look away from.

For Sue it is a matter of only hours before she breaths her last breath. I know that and understand it beyond any doubt however, I have to keep going. Missy and Freddie have to keep going. In order to find the place God calls “grace”, very often you have to experience the ugly in front of the veil.

You don’t step over the ugly, you have to get on your knees and crawl. People you smell it, touch it and bend forward to kiss the forehead of someone dieing that hadn’t had a gentle kiss since they were small children. THEN you find Grace.

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6 Responses to “Sue is dieing! 3/2/10”

  1. All that you do for these people is more than most can even imagine. Many don’t want to admit that their lives are full of love, warmth and wonderful things that fill their days. Many of these people get up in the morning to only imagine passing out again in the afternoon. Its not only alcoholism but depression.
    Your ministry is wonderful and I wish that you could spend your days watching people move on to regular lifestyles. Some days you do but today or yesterday wasn’t one of those days. Keep up the faith and live with the knowledge that most of the folks you deal with will be in a better place with God because of your efforts. You may not be able to make things better on earth for them but helping them to accept Christ and know Gods love is what is important because he then will be the one taking care of them when they leave here.
    Prayers with you!

  2. I’m just sorry I never got to meet her. I will pray for her to have a peaceful end to her troubled life. And I’ll pray for all of you who care for her, and others like her.

  3. Thank you both for your comments…What we do sometimes is not easy. I suppose it is why I find escape playing a silly game on FB and more recently joining the gym. I could have and maybe should have used the money in another way but I have enjoyed so much just being around “normal” people sometimes. Don’t laugh but the new gym is right across from the 14th Street Bridge AND right next door to where some of the guys buy their beer and hang out.
    Yes, I do look out the MANY windows and I keep an eye on them. They just don’t know I’m inside.
    Some already have spotted my truck and tell me about it later. I don’t mean this in a bad way but they can’t get inside and find me. So, it’s a little refuge.
    Thanks for caring about a 48 yr old woman that never found out how to truly live.

  4. I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT SUE SHE WILL BE IN OUR PRAYERS I WILL ASK FOR SPECIAL PRAYER AT MY CHURCH TONIGHT I HAVE KNOWN SUE FOR A FEW YEARS NOW SHE HAS JUST ABOUT ALWAYS BEEN ON THE STREETS BUT THAT WAS THE ONLY LIFE THAT SHE HAS KNOW FOR MANY YEARS NOW I REALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT THING NOW IS THAT SHE IS READY TO GO TO HEAVEN AND I PRAY DEEPLY THAT SHE HAS A PEACE WITH OUR HEAVENLY FATHER GOD BLESS YOU SUE

  5. Dyan, Sue is ready to go to heaven. Back before Christmas we had a talk with her. She truly loves Jesus. Just very bound as you know. She always wanted to hear about the bible and loved to hear preaching. I believe she’s OK.

  6. I’m TRULY speechless!! God Bless you and the work of the Lord that you are doing. Prayers to Sue and to your ministry.


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