Sitting at my meeting this morning talking to Mary, someone put their arms around my shoulders from behind and whispered into my ear, “I love you.” I quickly turned around recognizing the voice and stood up as Naomis arms reached out to me.

I grabbed her and hugged her tight and noticed that in my hug I felt nothing but bones. She has lost a lot of weight.

Tears kept forming in my eyes as we all sat and talked just because the pain I saw in her eyes and the words she shared with us were breaking my heart. “Be strong Jaye.” I kept telling myself. Yet before the meeting ended I believe we all cried.

The topic of how “I am the reason I am the way that I am” was flowing. “I can’t look back and blame anyone” Naomi said. “I am a bad person!” I spoke and said “STOP!” Naomi quickly continued in order to block out anything good I may have wanted to say and continued…”I am a whore, I bang (shoot dope in) my arms, neck and legs, I walk the streets and steal.” Again I said more softly for her to be silent so I could speak.

I told them all but looked into her eyes and explained that none of us are bad people. We just do bad things sometimes. You see to God we’re His creation and that the things we do He is maybe the only one that understands the “why.” I reminded Naomi that those little footsteps she took as a little girl stopped at doorways in a house long long ago as she rounded corners to see a mommy shooting drugs in her own skin.

She heard vulgar ugly words being thrown at her that wrapped themselves around her tiny heart and today have worked their way into her mind that she is no good. But God says she is.

Knowing I may never have my shot at telling Naomi anything of value I continued on in pure desperation hoping that time could stand still forever. Today she was alive. tomorrow??

She spends 150.00 a day on ice. She prostitutes herself for 60 bucks a guy. She may make 40. As she was speaking I thought “Yard Sale.” It’s like a yard sale. You mark your item for 60 dollars and you really want 40. The customer thinks they got a deal.

However what is the value of Naomi? 40, 50, 60 lousy dollars?To me she is worth more than money can buy and to God, there is no limit. Priceless?

I asked her if she was ready to turn herself in? “Not yet” she said. I wanted to know what her day was like. She does not go into stores, watch TV, cook, or clean. She lives to get her next high which is averaging out to 5 a day.

“Where do you go in your head Naomi when you’re on a “DATE?” I asked her. It becomes a job she explained and you feel nothing emotionally or sexually. You turn your mind off.

Whats in your bag? I asked her… she pulled it all out and set it on the table in front of me. This is who she is and yet I yell really loud inside myself , “NO!” I don’t want this to be who she is.

As we all gathered our things up to leave I pulled her into my arms one more time and told her to take care of herself. She told me she would.

I fought back tears that again were fighting so hard to find the door down my face as I drove away knowing I may never see her again. I kept hearing her words how she described that now if the high doesn’t push you to the edge where you teeter on the tip of life and death then it wasn’t a good high.

Once they peek at that tip they can literally feel themselves just about go into death. I think Dear God!

I told her I have written about her in my blog and why. I told her many people care. She seemed surprised! I explained I changed her name and she smiled and wanted to know if I call her Jessica? I laughed and said no that her name to the world is Naomi.

She smiled back and said that it was a nice name and I explained why it was Naomi. She listened. Naomi in the Bible changed her name to Mara which means bitter. She looked at me and knowing I didn’t want her to think badly I told her the story of Naomi and how she thought she had lost everything. God never changed her name, Naomi changed her name when her world fell apart.

In the end, Naomi was no longer bitter but had gained so much more than she lost. This is my hope for my friend that our Dear God in heaven will help Mara be Naomi again… I pray for her to live and dance and smile. Tonight I hang my head and shut off the images she wrote in my heart with her words of what her days have become.

I pray she finds peace from the demons of her past and that she somehow finds hope to live again.


2 Responses to “Naomi”

  1. As always, another good, moving blog entry. I’ll be sharing this with my FB friends.

  2. please e-mail your blogs to me i like reposting on my fb page to show what you guys are doing in pc,al want to help raise support for you

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